Is the "Care Less" Culture Making Us Worse People?

Directly beside me, parked across three spaces in the gym parking lot, was a beat-up van with a rearview mirror ornament that read "Care Way Less." The irony wasn't lost on me—here was someone who had taken the advice to "care less" and applied it to basic courtesy toward others.

The "care less" movement has gained momentum in recent years, and for good reason. Social media has amplified our tendency to seek external validation, leading to anxiety, depression, and a constant state of performance. The advice to "care less about what others think" offers liberation from this exhausting cycle. But somewhere along the way, this wisdom got twisted into something else entirely—a license to care less about everything and everyone, including the impact of our actions on others.

The Misinterpretation That's Making Us Worse

When we see "Care Way Less" plastered on t-shirts, coffee mugs, and yes, rearview mirrors, it's often being used as justification for inconsiderate behavior. The person taking up three parking spaces isn't practicing healthy boundary-setting; they're practicing selfishness. They've taken a concept meant to free us from the prison of others' opinions and weaponized it into indifference toward others' experiences.

This misapplication reveals a fundamental misunderstanding of what healthy caring looks like. The goal isn't to become a person who cares about nothing—it's to become a person who cares about the right things in the right proportions.

Caring Less About Their Thoughts of You

The original intention behind "caring less" advice is sound. When we're overly concerned with others' opinions of us, we lose ourselves. We become chameleons, shifting our personalities, values, and behaviors based on who we're with and what we think they want to see. This isn't authentic living; it's exhausting performance art.

Caring less about what others think of you means:

Making decisions based on your values rather than their approval
Speaking your truth even when it's unpopular
Pursuing your goals without needing permission from the peanut gallery
Setting boundaries without guilt
Accepting that you can't control how others perceive you

This type of caring less is liberating because it frees up mental and emotional energy that was previously spent on the impossible task of managing everyone's opinion of you.

Caring More About Your Thoughts of Others

Here's where the plot twist comes in: while you're busy caring less about their judgment of you, you should be caring more about your judgment of them. This isn't about becoming more critical or judgmental in a harsh way—it's about developing discernment and intentionality in how you view and interact with others.

Caring more about what you think of others means:

Developing empathy and trying to understand their perspectives
Considering how your actions affect those around you
Choosing kindness even when no one is watching
Being genuinely interested in others' wellbeing
Taking responsibility for the energy you bring to relationships

When you care more about what you think of others, you naturally become more considerate. You park between the lines not because you're worried about judgment, but because you care about making life easier for other people. You listen more carefully in conversations not to impress, but because you genuinely value understanding others' experiences.

The Mirror Turned Inward: Self-Awareness

Perhaps most importantly, this shift requires developing a clear, honest relationship with yourself. Self-awareness isn't just knowing your favorite color or your personality type—it's understanding your motivations, recognizing your patterns, and being honest about your impact on the world around you.

Self-awareness means regularly asking yourself:

Why am I making this choice?
How do my actions align with who I want to be?
What story am I telling myself about this situation?
Am I acting from a place of fear, ego, or genuine care?
How might others experience my behavior, and does that matter to me?

This kind of self-reflection helps you distinguish between caring less in a healthy way (not needing everyone's approval) and caring less in a harmful way (not considering your impact on others).

The Balanced Approach

The person with the "Care Way Less" ornament missed the nuance. True emotional maturity isn't about caring less across the board—it's about caring strategically. It's about being selective with your concern, directing it toward what truly matters while releasing what doesn't serve you or anyone else.

Care less about:

Whether your choices make you popular
Perfectionism and unrealistic standards
Others' unsolicited opinions about your life choices
Comparison and competition with others
Things completely outside your control

Care more about:

How you treat people who can do nothing for you
The values you're actually living, not just the ones you claim
Your impact on your community and environment
The quality of your relationships and conversations
Your own growth and self-understanding

Living with Intentional Caring

Imagine if that van owner had taken a different approach. Instead of "Care Way Less," what if their philosophy was "Care Thoughtfully"? They might still feel free from the weight of others' judgments, but they'd also consider how their parking job affects the elderly person walking with a cane or the parent juggling three kids and a cart full of groceries.

This isn't about being a people-pleaser or losing yourself in others' needs. It's about recognizing that we're all sharing this space together, and our actions ripple outward in ways we might not always see.

When you care less about their thoughts of you and more about your thoughts of them—all while maintaining honest self-awareness—you develop something more valuable than a thick skin or a don't-care attitude. You develop wisdom, compassion, and the ability to move through the world as your authentic self while still being a positive force in others' lives.

The goal isn't to care less. It's to care better.