Self-work is not a task for the faint of heart, and perhaps that's why so many people talk about their battles with anxiety, stress, depression, and burnout yet fail to do what is needed to cultivate genuine change. I'm talking about real, deep-seated change.
This isn't about superficial coping strategies, or self-care that stimulates short-lived pleasure, like a day at the spa, nor is it about relying solely on medication to balance hormones. It's about truly delving into the heart of the matter, embracing the discomfort, and fostering genuine healing.
I speak from a place of experience, as I suffered from panic attacks, severe anxiety, and co-dependent tendencies, was diagnosed, and took medication for GAD, OCD, and ADD for years.
I vividly remember that surge of hope when I was first diagnosed and medicated for my "disorders." Finally, RELIEF. Yet, something wasn't quite right. Yes, I felt physically better, but deep inside, I yearned for something deeper, something more fulfilling. My meds and "coping techniques" didn't shield me from taking offense from others or second-guessing my abilities. My comfort came from shopping, going out, binge TV watching, or the occasional cocktail to unwind.
I can't tell you what clicked in me. But the overarching feeling and thought was, "There has to be more to life than this."
First, I started by separating who I thought I "needed" to be and asked myself, "Who do I want to be, and why?" "What brings ME joy?"
The more I got clear on that, the more I wanted to learn about myself.
What makes me tick?
Why do I get so upset when things don't go my way?
Why do I get sick and want to curl up into a ball when considering attending social gatherings?
Why am I so angry and judgmental?
And little by little, the pain of my past began to surface, and I saw these toxic symptoms for what they were. NOT a display of my character but a display of an overprotective ego that had no clue how to deal with everyday emotionally traumatic life experiences.
What I learned about myself:
I wasn't a bad person just because I exhibited toxic behavior. I was a person who didn't know how to cope with my pain effectively, and consequently, caused others pain.
I could heal myself! My character and power to overcome is deeper than what lies on the surface.
To heal and end the suffering I was doing to myself and others, I had to simultaneously accept my challenges and self-worth to have the compassion necessary to take full responsibility for my actions.
... and so much more.
Leap forward; it's been over nine years since I last needed medication. Anxiety? It's almost a forgotten term in my life. The last panic attack? More than eight years ago. The old traits of co-dependency, a desire for control, and an obsession with outcomes have faded away, replaced by an appreciation for life's simple, beautiful facets.
With such a transformative experience, I dared to level corporate and embrace my newfound mission - to aid others in their healing journey and feel no shame in doing so, but POWER and with excitement and curiosity.
If you resonate and wish to learn more about healing, please reach out. I am here, ready to serve, and I'm just a message away. Or, you can check out my site on healing emotional trauma.