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Hilary Porta: Life Architect

Photo credit: Corrie Huggins

Are you living the life that you dreamed of? If not, what is holding you back?

Our primary cause for dissatisfaction and not living the life of our dreams rests in maintaining a fixed or fearful mindset, which prevents us from exploring, taking healthy risks, and permitting ourselves to venture into uncharted territories of creativity and excitement.

This is not the case for Hilary Porta, however. At 55 years young, Hilary gets her kicks from riding snowmobiles, jumping out of planes, and helping others live their best life while wearing many hats across her multiple businesses.

Hilary says, “I have a lot of titles. I'm a life architect, a business strategist who turned into an alchemist. I am a human behavior hacker, a shame slayer, an igniter … The most important titles for me are daughter a king, wife, and mama. … And I guess in some ways, I'm a want-to-be gypsy and a corporate refugee.”

Hilary's resume and client reach are vast, having worked with Fortune 500s, celebrities, athletes, military, and beyond, and sharing international stages with the likes of Deepak Chopra. It seems clear that she has something about life figured out.

I sat down with Hilary to gain insight into what she is doing in the hopes that we all can learn to create and live a bold, beautiful, and fulfilling life.


Have you always been bold and daring? When did you accept or discover that you are the ‘creator’ of your life and your future?


I think there are so many defining moments in life that you get to decide. The key word being “decide.” People have the perception that things in life are done to them rather than for them. I embrace it differently.

Probably one of the biggest times was post-divorce. I had a very high conflict divorce, which put me in the fetal position for a bit. But it was honestly the biggest gift I could have gotten. It allowed me to gain deep clarity.

At that time, it was easy to be soaked in complete overwhelm, self-doubt, obsessing, ruminating, and catastrophizing everything. However, it allowed me [the divorce] to get real, get raw, and pull back the curtain and see who it was that I really wanted to be and who I was outside of being a wife, a mother, and a corporate executive at that point.

I was able to really tune in and tap in and gain that deep clarity so that I could architect the life that I wanted. That is when I started taking a deep dive into neuroscience, neuropsychology, everything from CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to industrial psychology, plus some ancient wisdom.

I realized that it was true what they [experts in the fields of study] were saying, you can create your reality. Our minds are so powerful that we can create our own reality.

I see it all the time; people have blocks that they create. They don’t believe they are good enough or deserve to have the life they want.


That is true. Intention plays a key role in manifesting and creating the life we want. Many people fail to understand what it takes to manifest something. They may believe that saying affirmations or creating a vision board will make what they want magically appear. However, the beliefs, emotions, and energy attached to that affirmation or thought will determine the ultimate outcome, which happens mostly subconsciously. If we don't believe what we are saying is possible, at our core, then it's not going to happen. Would you agree?


Exactly. I think that's the most interesting part of what I've discovered over the last eight years or so is that we are manifesting 24/7, good or bad.


Yes. Understanding and managing the thoughts and emotions inhibiting us from being the person we want to be is critical to EI and creating the life we want.

I think a lot of people automatically think of money when they think of manifestation and abundance, but manifestation doesn't have to be money. It could be better health, living in a place you've always wanted to live, or being in the relationship you want. Whatever it may be, we have to be able to connect with our thoughts and emotions because thoughts and emotions precede the actions we take in creating that reality.


Yes. If, for instance, you want a red Porsche. You're going to immediately start seeing red Porsches everywhere. It's the same thing. If you are stuck in a loop where you have thoughts that are negative, what are you going to find? You're going to find everything negative; you're going to find that everything's against you; you're going to find and feel shame and loneliness, fear of failure, all that.

You've got to allow it. It's about deep clarity and then showing up and showing up with not only clarity but to gain a deeper understanding.

Right now, there is so much that we get entangled with, from prior childhood emotions to current situations. People waste so many hours and days, months, and even years in the captivity of their own minds.


I think one of the main reasons people resist creating the life they want is because it takes them accepting one hundred percent responsibility for how things turn out. It takes a lot of energy and effort to create the life we desire, at least in the beginning when we have to develop new healthy habits.

It's no different than going to the gym or having a healthy diet. We must develop a healthy mindset and habits to see consistent results. When we stop working on ourselves mentally, physically, or spiritually, we will slide back. But that doesn't mean we can't get back to where we were or even further ahead. Right?


Yes. I'm glad to hear you say that because people often tend to catastrophize things. People think [when they slide back] that it’s the end. No! It's just a speed bump. You just need to gun it [full speed ahead], so you can get over the speed bump and get right back to it.

Nothing is permanent. What happened five minutes ago is five minutes ago. You have an opportunity every second to take a deep dive into gaining clarity and showing up in the ways that you want to.

Henry Ford said, “If you believe you can, or if you believe you can't, you're right.” I think people have to realize that they can stay a victim and lose valuable years, or they can go from caged to charged. They can turn a perceived loss into leverage and use it as an on-ramp. Then you can have one of the biggest things that I think is important: a generational impact. That's where all lies.

You can listen to the full interview with Hilary Porta on the Living and Leading with Emotional Intelligence podcast.


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