A common sentence most of us have said or heard before: "You should really eat something before you go."  Sometimes it genuinely is care. But sometimes — if we're honest — it's something else: I don't want to deal with you being cranky and hungry later.  That's not concern for them. That's discomfort management for us. And the fact that the two can look identical, even to the person saying it, is what makes subtle control so hard to spot. Control, in its most insidious form,